Emo Nemo

I am again in this rut of depression-ish. I feel really awful writing this but I seriously am lacking the joy of stuff right now. That sounds really bad but I seriously am just bumming…a lot. I’m just feeling really awful about everything. I am upset that this happened to me (the head thing), and I’m upset that it ruined my summer. I was playing soccer, softball, running and doing strength in motion and now I’m doing nothing. I go to work and then I come home and go to the gym for an hour ish- because I still am not allowed to push too hard.

I just don’t understand why this happened to me- I love sports, I love playing and I love being busy. I love pushing myself to the limit and testing things. But no. every freaking day. I’ve woken up with a head ache.

Yup- that is 23 days in a row now of a head ache, pretty much the entire day. And if it goes away for half an hour, it typically comes back worst. I feel cranky and I feel anxious.

I used to have “exercise guilt” hard core- where if I didn’t do x y and z during my work out it was a failure. Well right now, being able to just do x and not y or z makes the guilt even worst.

I feel lazy and I feel bleah.

I’ve had things I love taken away from me- I’d much rather it have been my choice.

I’m trying to find the positives in life- things besides sports stuff- but then my family keeps getting craped on some more. Idk if this too much personal ish for a public blog that I know many people read in “real life” but whatever- my brothers and his gf are having issues, my mother is having some health problems, moneys tight, my mom lost her job (she works in the city schools here and they are making cuts everywhere) yadda yaaddda yaddda it just keeps going on. Even more tmi I finally have feelings for a guy- like seriously not just “oh well i mean i’d consider going on a date” I mean I SERIOUUSLY like this guy- and oh yup of course things are complicated with that.

I’m sorry I am just nagging and being a debbie downer- but this is my honest to God feelings right now. And it’s become really hard to blog, because most posts I want to start with

“well fuggin a i still have a head ache and blahs going wrong today, and this is happening to so and so”.

so instead I just refrain from blogging at all and I just creep on you guys silently. (Which by the way you all are obviously being fabulous and doing wonderful things)

So I guess all in all what I’m getting at is- I hate that all this is happening right now to me- and I know I sound like “me, me, me” and “lifes not as bad as it could be” but right now- I’m just bumming. And I don’t know if that too is a symptom of my post concussion syndrome or what but it is what it is.

How can I find some positives? When is it time to see things looking up?

 

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6 Comments

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6 responses to “Emo Nemo

  1. I am SO sorry. 😦
    This must be such a rough time for you right now.
    Who cares what you write about on your blog? It’s YOURS! If this is where you want to vent, DO IT. Seriously. 🙂
    And I’m hoping and praying things look up for you!

  2. I love when bloggers are so honest and raw like you are, I admire that. I guess we never really know why crap happens to us but what defines us is how we deal with the crap and how we let it suffocate us a ruin our lives or if we spin it positively, you know.

    Everyone has Debbie downer days, months, etc. I think you are awesome for still doing x.. Even if you can’t do y and z. If you ever want to talk hit me up!! I will be praying for you, your injury, possible relationships, your brother, and your momma and I truly mean it!

  3. Amy @ countrystrong21

    Don’t feel bad about posting “debbie downer” posts! This is your blog, your place to write about whatever you want to write about so if that means you need to get out some not so happy feelings then do it. I appreciate bloggers that share the not-so-good stuff that goes on in their life, it makes them even more real and just that much cooler because they’re willing to share it all, not just the roses, sunshine, kitties, and bunnys.

    So blog away about whatever you need to! I’ll read it 🙂

  4. Babygirrrrl! I wish I lived near you..because I would come and YANK you from your rut. It is 100309845% normal to feel the way you feel right now. It totally effin sucks that you have this head injury, but everyone is SO thankful you are still alive and kickin! I don’t know why this happened to you, and you betcha I am gonna pull out the, “Everything happens for a reason” quote. You are going to look back on this someday and realize how STRONG you are and how you got through such a HARD time in your life. You are someone to be admired for going through ALL things you have gone through in your life, from past to present.

    Keep your head up and try to breathe when things get sticky. Blogging about this stuff can be therapeutic because you can get it all out. Plus us bloggeroonies love you and will always be here to offer any kind of support we can, beneficial or not. Totally creepy, but I was brushing my teeth the other day and I realized, “whoa where has Cait beeeeeen!?” Yeah kinda creepy, but I totes miss your crazy ass. Please don’t stop being crazy funny and weird because that is what I love about you (can I say all this without having met you?!) I should stop before I get reallllly weird. HAhaha. Go for a walk when you feel down, talk to a friend, read a book. Anything to get your mind away from whatever it bothering you! LOVEYOU!

    • hahahahah brittany that is TOTES fine we are essentially bffs obvsssss!! your posts always always allllwaayss cheer me up!!! thanks for the support 🙂 you da sheyyyittt! love youuuuuuuuuuu moreee!

  5. man sorry you are having such a sucky time! I know that when I am having a million things going on, and I feel that I am being pulled in a million directions, I always feel down. I also love being on the go on the time, and get anxious when Im not. So maybe you can fill your time with other things besides exercise? jsut a thought. And having a headache for 23 straight days can make anyone in a bad mood!
    And its ok to have bad days- we are here when you need us!

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