A Test From God?

I’ve had a couple moments in the past few days where I feel like God is testing me. Side note- I am not a very religious person. I have gone through all the steps being baptized, first communion, confirmation all that jazz. My father is not religious at all but my mother and I seem to be more into it. Even though I haven’t been to church in a little over a year, I would like to say that my faith in God is still strong even if I don’t go to church.

Well in the past week there have been some obstacles that I feel as though is a test of my character and drive. This being said, I don’t know if I’m passing the test. Last weekend I had one of my good friends from high school spring last minute and stay with me the whole weekend- and then that Saturday we went to celebrate our other best friends 21st birthday. Now I should mention I do not drink. So this was not a case of “ohhh sunday I was hung over so I didn’t run”. This was a case of “wow I stayed out really late and was super dehydrated and exhausted”. Anyways I thought it wouldn’t be a problem if I took the day off Sunday and ran my scheduled 18 mile run for Monday. Well…Monday came and it was below freezing wind chill and horrible road conditions. On top of it about mile 5ish into my run I realized that my watch had stopped recording the miles and was broken. After having other flaws during that run where I just felt like I could not do this, I called my grandma to bring me back to my house. Later that day I ran 8 more miles to finish the day at a total of 13 miles. I bumped some milage up later in the week and as of this morning have run 32 miles this week (with no long run BOO). Anyways….

I have this thing- I tend to be a homebody? I like to stay in watch movies, hang with my friends and just chill out. I’m not all about the “bar scene” and “party scene”. It’s “fun” every once in a while but I just really don’t think it’s for me. Hence why it’s been sort of hard to make friends at school when I am a junior transfer who doesn’t really like to go out and typically is in bed before midnight on the weekends and by 1030 during the week….

Well last night after not seeing my two best friends in a while, I went to visit them in Cortland. I went to their basketball game and then stayed the night. This was sorta planned all week but I kind of figured knowing myself I would bail on them. Well, the fact that my whole week has been lacking any social interaction because no one is home, I went. I knew they would want to go to the bars and stay out late so I knew what I was getting into. Despite this I went and toughened up. The night was pretty good. We all went to this bar where they do these things called “T-Shirts”. You get your choice a big beer keg which has 10ish beers or a shot bong which has 12 shots. KIND OF RIDICULOUS and I’m not sure how it’s legal. You need to finish the whole shot bong or if you choose the beer you need to finish two of the kegs…you do however have all night to try and do this.

Like I said- ridiculousness.

So anyways we stayed at this bar most of the night  (after getting there at 8ish…everyone was pretty much gone by 1030). It’s really funny because I was the only sober one out of the group of us (aka designated as the driver which I didn’t actually have a problem with since it was FAREEEZZZING out). Its really funny to see people go from being fine to complete messes. Also, and I know this probably sounds bad, but seeing these girls wasted just falling all over the place, getting upset over nothing and throwing themselves at these skeezy guys really just reminds me exactly why I DO NOT drink. It is actually somewhat pathetic to see how these girls treat themselves. But besides that- the night was going well for me (I was drinking tons of water and hadn’t eaten too poorly, subway for dinner and some popcorn at the bar). I was thinking FOR SURE I would be able to just wake up come home and run my 18 today. I was so wrong. After mad amounts of drizma (drama) occurred I ended up carting people around and taking care of many drunk girls who I didn’t actually really know. Finally, around 1:30am Brit and I ended up at our friend Jen’s apartment. At this point I was pretty hungry and sort of just exhausted from the night. Now enter where the trouble (or so I assume) begins. Jen had these cookies on her kitchen table and obviously being the sweet tooth I am I wanted a couple. So after having about 3 cookies (nbd I thought I’m running 18 miles tomorrow and I didn’t eat too much today)  and some chips and m&m’s later I honestly thought I was going to throw up. I downed some water and contributed my sickly feeling to being up late and some major sugar binge in a short amount of time. Whatever right? No. I went to bed shaking from being so cold and then woke up at 4:45am drenched in sweat and sprinted to the bathroom. After throwing up 3 times (graphic sorry) I went back to sleep until about 6:45 where I then threw up some more (nast) and then slept until 830ish when I finally decided I was driving home.


So here it is…is this a test? Why is God or the universe or WHATEVER trying to stop be from running this 18miles. I’m resting up today and drinking tons of fluids and tomorrow despite everything I am running 18 miles. I need to. I WANT TO. I HAVE TO. I am going crazy over here. I feel as though I am unprepared now and this 18 is like a huge challenge.

I don’t regret the past two weekends. Brits 21st and this past weekend are times that I finally acted like the 20  year old I am. I can definitely take some negatives out of the past weekends but in the end I can see major growth from my past. Although it feels as though I am failing a test I am going to power through and use this as fuel for the run tomorrow.


Q- How do you get through tough times? When you think everything is working against you? How do you stay positive when all you can focus on are the negatives?




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3 responses to “A Test From God?

  1. Oh my god.

    Can you please just live the dream with me? I don’t enjoy going out except for maybe once a month. I literally go out once a month or so so no one harasses me, stand there awkwardly with my nalgene of fruit juice and call it a night. I am actually nicknamed the grandma of the swim team. It’s beautiful.

    Anyways-you can do this 18 miles. Postponing your 18 miles isn’t a bad thing and you will be more ready. I know it’s frustrating and I am suffering with something similar of swimming but you will get through it. Part of the reason that I like being in school on my own time is that I can be on my own time and do my workouts (outside of swimming) on my own time.

    Goodluck on your run.

    • Oh my god- yes lets live the dream! hahahah up at school i haven’t found anyone like me in this sense! my friends always call me an old lady, like last night at around 11 when we were out i was sitting down and my friend could tell i was so ready for bed hahah and she was like come on caitlin its one night power through hahah its just really great how its a struggle…

      anddd we need to stop being so similar it is beginning to scare me haha. thanks! i’ll let you know how it goes obviii

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